piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
