and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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