Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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