Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
