I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
