Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
