finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize