she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
