I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
