ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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