i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
