everyone is single if you try hard enough
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
My vagina just clenched in fear
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
