well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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