I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
