I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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