I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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