my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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