is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
