Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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