this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
