Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
