i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
