don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
