WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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