So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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