Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
