he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
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If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
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All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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