I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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