Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
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