I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
