Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Send help, water and tortillas.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
