I like to think it a success when the cops are called
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
