just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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