I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
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I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
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How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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