1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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