and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Operation Purity has been aborted
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize