nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
