You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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