I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
