Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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