he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
