My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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