I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Moan for me like Helen Keller
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I stole a fireplace last night.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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