im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
