I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
