My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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