$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
