Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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