he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
