I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
that is very illegal...i love you.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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