they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
