Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
