Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
