Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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