wrigley field is MILF paradise
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
My feet surprised me
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