I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
