I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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