I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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