Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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