Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
