Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
not ubering you a puppy
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
