Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Randomize
