who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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