there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize