so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Randomize
