I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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