I smell stomach acid.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
