i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Sponge bath it is.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
