i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
It was confusing and full of hummus
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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