I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
