you turned your livingroom into a bong?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
