i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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