So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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